A Winner is Me

In a stunning turn of events, it was discovered that there actually were illegal voters in the last presidential election. Millions, in fact. Probably close to 125 million, if you want to start to get specific. So, who won, you ask?

Jason Tureman.

Me.

Now, it might not seem like this claim has a lot (if any) proof, but you are currently reading this on a website, so it must be true.

When asked if I would challenge the current ruling which placed someone (I forget who) into the position I won, I merely told the hundre-no-thousands of reporters, "I'll keep you guessing".

A Letter To The President

The following is an email I wrote using the White House's contact system. I'm posting it here because I don't know if it'll get lost in a sea of other emails.



Dear Mr President,

It has come to my attention that you've claimed that you haven't received any phone calls about the Dakota access pipeline. Now, this may be a true statement since your administration has yet to turn the phones back on, but that's neither here nor there. I'm here to voice my concern over the impact this pipeline could have. Before last year's election, many indigenous tribes, U.S. military veterans, and supporters protested the building of this pipeline. You claim there's no controversy behind its construction, but trust me, it's there.

I urge you to please reconsider going through with this. I would normally cite sources and data for any opinion that I give, but the message that your administration is sending out to the American people is that you don't care about those things. Science, data, analysis, none of it matters if it doesn't support your opinion. So, with that said, I'm just hoping that adding my voice to the pool of countless other voices will be enough to sway you.

You can't spend your entire presidency treating everyone with a differing opinion as if they're the enemy. That's the easy way out. Sure, it might feel like you're projecting a "tough guy" image, but a lot of folks see right through that. Being a divider is easy. Very little effort required. You want to show everyone that you're serious though? Be a uniter. Reach across the aisle, be the bigger man. Learn to let go of the things that bother you and try to make an effort to understand why so many folks are upset (not just because of the pipeline, but in general). You can attract more flies with honey and gain more respect when you empathize with folks.

Trying to figure someone out and come to a mutual understanding rather than just shutting them down, that takes real cojones.

Anyway, I do hope you take the time to read messages like this. Please, don't forget about the voice of the American people when making decisions.

Thank you for your time.

Forbidden Cereal | Power of a Mad Man's Cheese

In light of recent events, I decided to do something bold for my vlog...by eating a bowl of cereal?

Okay...

Shut Up And Read This

Here's the funny thing about the First Amendment: you have the right to say whatever you want (as long as it isn't a threat). Of course, it isn't without consequence, and people can tell you to shut up. But it doesn't stop there because those people who told the original people to shut up can also be told to shut up.

I guess what I'm saying is is that some of you are feeling emboldened and have had your egos boosted because of recent events. Because of this, I'm starting to see folks marginalize others. To you, I say shut up. Feel free to tell me to shut up, but I'm just going to tell you to shut up right back because this is America and that's how we fucking do it.

Whether it's Pokemon Go, a new movie that came out, peaceful protesting, a sports team winning or losing, or just any other scenario, if it isn't personally affecting you in some way or hurting anyone else, why not let people do what they do? Why, oh why, do you feel the need to put down someone else? Are you that insecure about your opinion that the only way for you to seek true validation is through the assurance that you are right and others are wrong?

I'd like to think that, for the most part, I've been pretty balanced on my viewpoints, keeping a fair and open mind, and almost going by Marquis of Queensberry rules of fighting...but with opinions instead of fists (if that makes sense). However, I'm *this close* to just jumping into the mud, since that's where a lot of folks want to keep the conversation.

So go ahead, continue to post your memes that are based on ignorance, continue to make fun of folks who might just be feeling very nervous, and do it all with pride (one of the seven deadly sins, I might add), because one day you could find yourself in a similar situation, and it might be difficult to drum up support when you acted like a total ass-hat a few years before. So maybe it isn't such a bad idea to shut up if you don't have anything nice to say.

Of course, the best option would be to extend a hand across the aisle and try to emphasize with each other, but that requires effort on everyone's part. But hey, what do I know, I'm just trying to help. Fuck me, right?

Till Next Time, Space Monkeys!

Stop Pissing on People's Pokemon Parade | Power of a Mad Man's Cheese

Having a Hobby on the Internet

What have I learned from the internet today?Never have a hobby, ever. Why? A few reasons:


1. It annoys people, and you should always take others feelings into consideration when doing anything, even if it doesn't involve them and isn't hurting anyone.

2. Your feeble, tiny little brain case can't process multiple things at once. We can't have complex thoughts about world issues and still take time to enjoy ourselves, hedonic treadmill be damned!

3. Any hobby you do is actually a diversion from what "THEY" are plotting. Our lizard overlords, with the help of Lord Xenu, created hobbies thousands of years ago, to keep the sheeple in check! Open your eyes! The Boston Tea Party was an inside job! Mona Lisa actually created Leonardo DaVinci! Everything you know is a damn lie!!!


So don't you see? That's why you can't have fun. No one can ever have fun. Don't go out there and play Pokemon go. Don't go out there and make friends while catching invisible monsters. You might rustle someone's Jimmies on the internet. And we wouldn't want that now, would we?

This entry is brought to you by an overdose of sarcasm and frustration over others pissing in people's Corn Flakes. Please, just stop...though I know that won't be enough, so expect a video/vlog sometime in the next few days.

Till next time, Space Monkeys!

My Short Batman V Superman Reviewish Thingy

I've mentioned this before, but opinions on Zack Snyder films run either hot or cold. Rarely is there a middle ground. The best thing to do when going to one of his films (or any movie, really) is to go in there completely blank. No opinions one way or the other. I learned that after watching the dumpster fire known as Sucker Punch (though I don't know if having no expectations would've helped that one).

That being said: I really enjoyed Batman V Superman. The casting was better than I expected, with Eisenberg's Luthor coming across as a much darker, more socially awkward version of Hackman's portrayal (not the first time movies have done this. Compare Nicholson's Joker to Romero's) and Affleck bringing a raw intensity to the role of Batman. Yes, <Spoiler Alert>,