In a stunning turn of events, it was discovered that there actually were illegal voters in the last presidential election. Millions, in fact. Probably close to 125 million, if you want to start to get specific. So, who won, you ask?
Jason Tureman.
Me.
Now, it might not seem like this claim has a lot (if any) proof, but you are currently reading this on a website, so it must be true.
When asked if I would challenge the current ruling which placed someone (I forget who) into the position I won, I merely told the hundre-no-thousands of reporters, "I'll keep you guessing".
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